Make New Friends…or not

Make New Friends but keep the Old. One is Silver and the other’s … a trafficker

These days, there cannot be enough stress on the importance of understanding the internet and social media. It is an incredibly useful tool to expand business, spread a cause, and just meet new people. But when your children are cruising the web, are you making sure they are safe? Many times, adults are unaware of how dangerous the WORLD WIDE WEB can be. It is global, and anyone can find anything, at any time. An article published this week on CNN Money brings to light just how dangerous sites like Facebook can be for young women.
Sex trafficking has become a hot topic issue, and while many see this as a foreign and far away problem- it happens here-every day. The common age young girls (and boys) used to be recruited was about 14. This has now changed to 11-12 years old. So how are they getting our children? Social media is one of the easiest ways to begin the process of recruitment. Facebook is one site where you are required to be at least 14 to have an account, yet a majority of 4th and 5th graders have created accounts with false ages and often leave the account privacy settings open for anyone to view.
So what can you do? If your child does have a Facebook account, help them make it private so only friends are able to see the information and pictures. This can be done by clicking in the top right corner under “settings.” Talk to your children about who they become friends with online. If they do not know someone in “real” life, then they do not need to accept or issue a friend request. We teach them to say no to strangers on the street, so why not teach them to say no to strangers online? Many elementary and middle school aged kids are playing games on Xbox and Play Station. This means they interact with all kinds of people from all over the world. Playing a video game is one thing, but giving your personal information is another. Many times, young kids feel that because they are playing a game with a stranger, they are becoming friends. This can lead to trouble and it is important to not only discuss, but monitor the online activity of your children.
An open dialogue is essential to help keep our children safe from predators. You will never be able to completely stop them from going online, but you can help to teach them how to stay safe.

Victimizing the victim…again

Julianne Hough, star of Dancing with the Stars and the 2011 remake of Footloose has recently come out with her personal story of child abuse. Julianne stars as the lead in Safe Haven, a movie to be released in February 2013, where she plays a victim of domestic violence. When asked about preparing for the role, she disclosed her own personal experience with abuse that took place when she was 10 years old, attending a dance school in London.  She did not go into much detail about the experience, other than expressing her sadness of her abuser trying to sexualize her at age 10 and how it continued into her adolescence. She does not reveal names, but says “What’s in the past is the past.”

Surprisingly, the comments from those who have read her account of the abuse have been astonishing. Many people are quick to call her a liar, saying that it must have not happened because she does not give details. Many have also said that because of the strict rules in the world of dance, it is not a big deal how they treated her – that this was to be expected. As someone who comes from the world of dance and theatre, I can tell you that it is NOT normal to sexualize a 10 year old child. I agree that the rules are strict, and there is an expectation of the young artists to grow up faster. However, to make a child into a sex object is not art. The person/people who abused Julianne did something wrong and should be the ones made accountable in this situation. Why place blame on Julianne? Look at our society. We have little girls entering beauty pageants, being completely sexualized. Yet, we glorify it by making shows like Honey boo boo or Toddlers and Tiaras. We consider that ok, but when someone comes forward and reveals personal experience with abuse, we jump all over them or blame them for lying. Why do we feel this need to know every personal detail of someone’s life, especially the difficult details?

Not every victim of abuse will want to relive or rehash their experiences. It is hard and painful. Julianne simply touched on how she was able to connect to her character in the movie through personal experience. If she wanted to give more information, then she would have. Although celebrities are subject to greater public scrutiny than the general public, there is no excuse for victim blaming and brushing mistreatment aside as something “to be expected.” Our society needs to become more educated, and stop victimization. Plain and simple.

To read story, click here

 

 

~SPARCC-JK~

 

Who Are Your Foremothers?

Who are your foremothers?  This was the question we asked a group of teenage girls a week ago at Booker High School in Sarasota County.  Answers ranged from mothers to older sisters to teachers serving as the girls’ mentors.  Utilizing Paul Kivel’s Young Women’s Lives: Building Self-Awareness for Life curriculum, we then dissected the generational strengths that have been passed down from our foremothers to us and what areas of weakness we would like to work on in the coming school year.  The activity was in keeping with the mission of the club, and we left as we normally do, energized, strong, and hopeful.

The group of girls at Booker is called the Booker Dream Girls, and they are a revolutionary afterschool club that organizes around a mission to raise their own self-awareness and empower one another to overcome barriers to achieving greatness in their life.  SPARCC works closely with the Dream Girls throughout the school year to plan and implement dating violence prevention projects on their campus that will help other girls.  Not every high school campus has a group like the Booker Dreams Girls, but they should.  In each generation, there are unique obstacles women must fight against to find their voice.  The Booker Dream Girls allows young women to dialogue with one another about their own experiences and understand these issues in the context of their local community.

It is vital that we begin and continue these empowering conversations with young women.  Unfortunately, our culture oftentimes seems to shout over this conversation that a girl’s identity is found in her appearance and how she relates to guys.  Whether it is through music, Youtube sensations, television shows, or fashion trends, our society teaches girls that their priorities should revolve around impressing others, looking good, and attracting guys.  In today’s world, there are of course many examples of popular media that rebel against the traditional stereotypes, but ultimately they swing to the other side of the same pendulum and send the message that the female voice must compete against the male voice through aggressive communication, conflict with one another and with men (e.g., Mob Wives), and superiority over incompetent men (e.g., Family Guy).  This is the other side of the same coin; a woman’s identity is still inherently tied to a man’s.

It is only when we allow young girls (and ourselves) to learn, mature, and flourish in the freedom of their personal identity apart from others that our society will be able to make real progress toward eliminating violence against women.  Violence against women is rooted in an improper understanding of the relationship between men and women, and this ultimately breeds masculine violence and feminine compliance.  Girls young and old must learn to recreate their identity wholly separate from men and function as unique and complete individuals before they can live in harmony with men.

So this is why we ask, “Who are your foremothers?”  Who are the women that have sown the seeds of personal power, freedom from cultural expectations and norms, and self-worth within you?  How can we imitate these women, and what must we do to improve?  One of my foremothers is a woman named Dr. Stephanie Norander, an old professor of mine from Missouri State University.  Stephanie is a sharp, well-spoken, dry-humored woman with an endearing transparency in her professional life.  She doesn’t live by traditional stereotypes, but she has also refused an identity rooted in the need to escape from traditional stereotypes. She dresses fashionably but often goes without shoes, padding around her office or classroom in stocking feet.  She openly reads and enjoys chick lit but can analyze dense feminist rhetoric like nobody’s business.  Stephanie has shown me what it means to be a woman of her own making; she is transparent about her femininity and unapologetic about her feminism. She genuinely loves her husband and family while carving out an identity for herself as a professional, and she is honest about the struggles this places on her time and resources. Stephanie is not perfect, but she is wholly her own.  And for this she has my utmost respect.

Who are your foremothers?  How have they sown the seeds of autonomy and awareness?  How are they changing you and the world you live in, and how will you contribute to the conversation?

Written by TL

Don’t judge a book by its cover, Please.

Photo from Barney’s NY Holiday Campaign

This story is nothing new: People being ridiculed for their outer appearance. We have experienced it as children, then as teenagers, and still as adults. But what is making it different this time? Technology. Yes, now bullies can hid behind a screen to make other people feel bad, and not worry about being attacked themselves in person. Let us first take a look at the latest video to make noise on the web (http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv?g=3&c=bm1). A news anchor is told she is a bad role model to young girls because of her weight on Facebook. Now this woman made a very good point. She is an adult, and she understands that in her line of work, there will be those who say mean things to try and hurt her. However, there are young children who receive these kinds of messages, and are not equipped to handle this bullying. Fortunately, many people stood up to this cyber-villain, coming to the defense of the news anchor. But can we be sure that there will be those who will do the same for all the other people out there who are picked on? Using social media give anonymity to cruel people who project their hate onto others, but we also see this in advertising, especially to children. Barney’s NY had recently come out with images for the new and “improved” Disney characters, creating them in a “fashion forward” light that many are calling the “Kate Moss Effect” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/29/disney-characters-barneys-supermodels_n_1840220.html). The characters are extremely thin, and don’t look the least bit happy about it. When I was a kid, Disney characters were full of life and over the top happy. These new images make me feel depressed, like becoming an adult is sad and miserable, and if they can make me (a well balanced adult) feel this way, imagine how they must make our children feel! I pray that they do not try to change my beloved Miss Piggy next. 

There is a catch 22 we have here. We want people to love themselves for who they are and not worry about being the perfect image, but we keep producing images that tell them they are not lovable unless they look a certain way. That’s a difficult task, don’t you think? Perhaps we should really step up to the plate and not allow these images to become the new “it” thing. We should follow in the footsteps of this news anchor, and be upfront with those who decide to bully others, saying that it is not ok. Do not allow people to hide behind their social media names so that they can push their negativity onto others. So today’s assignment- take a stand.

“Call Me, Maybe” Sarasota Parody!

If you like Youtube videos or all things viral, you are more than likely familiar with the recent pop culture outbreak of “Call Me, Maybe” parodies.  These playful and upbeat videos are based on the hit song by Carly Rae Jepsen.   Popular versions include the Harvard baseball team on a van ride and the 2012 USA Olympic swimming team.  We wanted to jump on this bandwagon and add our own version to the mix!

We are excited to release a video that our Youth Community Action Team completed a few weeks ago.  Our teen girls met us at our outreach office on a Friday afternoon, and we had so much fun walking all over beautiful downtown Sarasota, Florida, during the filming.  Our day (and our video) ended with all of us sprinting through the fountains at the gorgeous Sarasota Island Park.

Our version of the song includes altered lyrics, which you can read on the signs the girls hold during the song.  We chose to alter the lyrics to draw attention to problematic issues related to dating and traditional stereotypes in our culture’s understanding of girls and how they relate to guys.  Though this song is catchy, fun, and energetic, it also carries an inaccurate message about relationships.  In the song, the main character works hard to capture the attention of a young man who she is obviously attracted to.  The song portrays her as helpless and obsessed, a stereotypical, boy-crazy girl who pines after a guy whose way out of her league.   For example, in the very first verse, she laments, “I’d trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss, I wasn’t looking for this, but now you’re in my way.”

We felt this message robbed girls of the power to determine for themselves when they are ready to date and how much of themselves they’ll give away.  Girls should know that they don’t need a guy to complete them and that they can and should set their own emotional boundaries as well as physical boundaries.  Pop songs like this reinforce negative stereotypes that view young girls as shallow and disempowered, willing to do anything to get a guy.  Hopefully, the viewers are wise enough to recognize this doesn’t have to be true, but unfortunately what we know about social norms tells us that we tend to imitate what we see in the culture around us, even if that includes using or enduring violence and other abuses of power and control in dating relationships.

Negative stereotypes that show girls as boy crazy and willing to do anything to get the guy of her dreams (or keep the guy of her dreams) can lead to an unhealthy view of dating relationships. It’s because of these messages in the media that girls often feel like they have to stay with a guy who doesn’t treat them well in order to be happy.  This simply isn’t true.  Girls can and should place a high value on their desires in a relationship and not be afraid to voice how they feel.

You can view our altered lyrics here, which we think are much more empowering and remind girls that they’re already awesome the way they are and that they don’t need to change for a guy, no matter how cute he is.

He needs Help.

“He Needs Help”. This comes from the infamous Oprah sit down with Rhianna that aired just last week. Rhianna is referring to former boyfriend, Chris Brown.  Many people had taken caution to how she was describing her feelings about the incident. Many people were concerned that Oprah did not step in and let her know that what happened was wrong and that she should not feel bad for Chris Brown. From an empowerment perspective, what Oprah did was the best solution. She allowed the survivor to validate her own feelings, without judgment. Survivors of abuse come from a place of already being controlled; being told what to think, how to act, and what to do. Would it be fair for Oprah, as well as the rest of the world, to dictate what Rhianna should feel and say? She did raise an important thought. Rhianna said that “He needs help, who is going to help him?” More than often, people want to know why a survivor of domestic violence stays or wonders why they did not see this coming. What about the abusers? Why are they abusing? Why do they need this power and control over another life? These are questions that we may, as a society, want to ponder and discuss.

~JK for SPARCC~

Shopping for a Cause at SPARCC’s Treasure Chest

If you haven’t visited SPARCC’s resale and consignment shop, you must add it to your list of things to do. Located in downtown Sarasota at located at 1426 Fruitville Road, The Treasure Chest offers clothing, jewelry, art, antiques and furniture – all at wonderful prices. All proceeds benefit SPARCC’s free and confidential services to victims of domestic and sexual violence. Community donations and consignments provide merchandise that is offered for sale to the public and all profits benefit SPARCC’s mission. Volunteers serve as sales staff at the Treasure Chest, keeping the store’s overhead costs low. In addition to providing funding for SPARCC, the Treasure Chest also provides assistance to SPARCC clients at no cost to them.

Not only is the Treasure Chest a great place to find “hidden treasures,” but the building itself is a hidden gem. Built in 1913, by Mr. A.B. Edwards, a prominent Sarasota citizen, the building was initially constructed to be a garage. In 1922, it was purchased by the City of Sarasota and was used as the City’s first jail. In 1935, it was renovated to its current Art Moderne style and became the City’s Fire Station Headquarters. The building was used in this capacity for more than 20 years before it was sold. As the first locally designated structure to be owned by the City, the building was sold with certain restrictions to preserve the Art Moderne facade. Next time you are in the Treasure Chest, check out the historic photos of the building behind the front counter!

I stopped by the Treasure Chest just before writing this post to see what “treasures” are currently on the floor. Aside from the usual array of clothing, shoes, artwork, and furniture, a few unique items caught my eye…

A couple of pieces of artwork by local artist Pamela Sumner

The jewelry case is stocked with lovely pieces for any occasion

Beautiful pillows in pinks and greens (I really wanted to buy these because of how good the price was, regardless of the fact that they don’t match my decor!)

A lovely dining set

A Treasure Chest!
(this piece is a consignment, otherwise we would have snapped it up for the store)

This is only a small sampling of the items you can find at The Treasure Chest. We hope you’ll stop by soon!

Located at 1426 Fruitville Road, Sarasota
Open Monday – Saturday 10 am – 5 pm
Donations accepted daily!
For more information, click here to visit our website.